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Starving the Little Piggies

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2002-03-06 - 8:52 p.m.

Tonight was a Wendy�s/grocery shopping day. Today the lines were especially lengthy at the grocery store. So I began reading the covers of the magazines. I then examined the items of the patron in front me. All the magazines obviously had sex secrets, miracle diets and celebrity scandal. The woman in front was buying a ton of diet products and one of the magazines. The scene would have been perfect if she was buying some prophylactics. I could have lumped her into an easy target market. Yet I am sure the economy would suffer if the easy targe market weren�t promiscuous sexually and overpaying for junk food and spent 100�s of dollars to look better. Thank goodness for the superficial thinking of the easy target market. It allows me to be lazy.

I read a study that 80% of Americans over 25 are overweight. 300,000 people a year die from being overweight; smoking causes 400,000 deaths a year. So, why isn�t this as big a concern as smoking? The Food and Drug administrations should ban McDonalds from marketing to children. You should have to be 18 to buy a bag of potato chips. All soft drinks should be illegal. I will run for office. My platform will be �Starving the little Piggies.� In order for Cable TV to function you must be peddling an exercise bicycle. In order for the internet to work you must be on a Stairmaster. You must be licensed to purchase desserts and candy.

The manager at Wendy�s was like a drill sergeant. He must have taken every class at Burger School very seriously because he was reading charts to the cooks so they new what quantities of food to prepare. His motor was running the entire time I was there. Facilitating burger strategies to the employees to make that extra dime. When I was eating he was roaming the dining room chit chatting with the customers. I was hoping he would chat with me so I could inquire on some of his strategies. Then, proclaim Burger King was superior to Wendy�s. But he avoided me.

I had a boss just like the Drill Sergeant at Burger King. I called her a bitch once. She heard me. I was immediately called to the back of the restaurant. �Look I know we�ve had our differences today but I need you.� She held out her hand and said, �Friends�. I shook it. Instantly I had power over her. After that she never questioned my insights. Whenever she was unnecessarily hard on a fellow employee I would tell her to ease up. I would also tell her who to be hard on. Then she began telling me how cute I was. Well thank goodness she was shipped to another store before she started flashing me in the back room.

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