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McDude's Kind of CoolSpit |
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� 2004-06-08 - 10:49 p.m. I made it to the dentist today. He is a big burly Russian dude. Why is it that most well off Russian dudes look like 70s porn stars. He�s slightly overweight but just tall enough to spread it around. Plus he wore a gold chain around his neck and had chest hair popping out. The elevator music added to this look. When he asked, I told him it had been 13 years since my last cleaning. So he looked in my mouth and said, �I can see by looking at your gums that you have Gingivitis. We�ll need to take X-Rays and go from there.� Then I became a guinea pig for Ms. Dental School. The porno dentist tried to instruct some woman how to take my X-Rays. She shoved this plastic thing in my mouth without telling me what it was for. She kept saying, �Wider�. WIDer�..WIDER� Finally the Porn dentist stepped in and explained to me what was happening. It went much smoother after that. I heard them having a heated discussion in Russian in the hallway. Either they were about to fornicate or she was learning a valuable lesson. While waiting for the X-Rays I had two completely opposite scenarios in my head about what was going to happen. The first the dentist comes back and everyone is staring at the X-Rays in amazement. As I peak over I see a little Gingivitis colony in my mouth, they have a couple of houses and a schoolyard with a little swing set on my wisdom tooth. The dentist will say, �This is no good we�ll have to pull all your teeth.� Then they�ll knock me out and I�ll awake during some dentist porno film titled �Spit� without my teeth. The second was that the X-rays would come back fine, the dentist would tell me to buy a bottle of Listerine and return in a couple of weeks. This scenario nearly happened, except he gave me a prescription for Tetracycline. Don�t they make birth control pills out of Tetracycline? I�ll gain weight and lose my sex drive in the next two weeks. I�ll receive the super duper deep clean on the left side of my mouth when I return. Which means I�ll need another appointment for the other half of my mouth, then probably a 4th appointment for whatever else might be wrong in there. At least I won�t need dentures. Like this entry? Vote for me here!
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