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McDude's Kind of CoolSlave Bird |
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� 2002-04-30 - 10:02 p.m. A lot of poetry and songs have been written using birds as a symbol of freedom. But birds aren�t free to do as they please. I am sure most birds would rather be on the ground hanging out. But are forced into the air to flee predators and motorists. The only truly free birds are penguins. But they sit on the coast of Antarctica freezing their tails off. LYNRD SKYNRD was wrong. It should have been Slave Bird not Free Bird? I�ve been attending guitar lessons for over a month and I just learned my guitar teacher�s name. Conveniently his phone rang during our lesson and he felt compelled to answer. My images of being forced to introduce him to someone or having to call and cancel a lesson without knowing his name have been vanquished. From now on I will note a persons name. I was checking out pictures from the new and improved hubble telescope. How embarrassing it would be if 10 years from now they discover that the crazy pictures are of some piece of dirt or pubic hair on the lens. Thoughts of future generations laughing at our ignorance is beginning to irk me. They�ll read about our political system, our space program, our physics, our religion, capital punishment, sexual taboos, world wars, music, movies and they�ll laugh at us. I quest to know more. I wish aliens would land and explain why they created DNA. I wish a supreme being would give purpose to my existence. I wish to know all the secrets in the universe. I would know gossip like whom Janeane Garofalo thinks about when she masturbates, to mundane things like what is under every rock on mars. All the life in the universe would be completely understood by me from the motivations of world leaders to alien urination rituals. Then I�d go to some snazzy fifth avenue party and observe the socialites with an �I�m better then you� smirk. I�d sit cross my legs and sarcastically laugh as some guy in an Armani suit tells anecdotes. Nothing would be grander.
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