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McDude's Kind of CoolPicture em Naked |
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� 2002-02-07 - 8:47 p.m. I had to give a speech today in front of my entire division. Just a little 1 minute deal. I hate speaking in front of a group of people. Something about it makes me nervous. Today I had to speak for our division meeting. The meeting is 90 minutes long and my speech was scheduled near the end of the meeting. It was the longest 80 minutes of my life. I was really anxious and the speakers before me were so boring that all I did was daydream about what could go wrong with my speech. I walk up to the podium, �uggh uggh, Hello for those of you who don�t know me I am McDude. Let me tell you a little bit about my system. As you can see on my next slide, next slide please.� Everyone gasps as the next slide comes up. I look at the giant screen to find a picture of a naked girl. �This has nothing to do with my system.� I say as I desperately run to cover the projector� I glimpse at the clock. Damn only five minutes into the meeting. I should not have had Mexican food for lunch. I can really feel the gas beginning to press against my anus. A law of physics must exist that states the most embarrassing noises release themselves during a sudden decline in the decibel level. I begin to thumb through my notes. I can see myself tripping on the way to the podium and my notes would scatter as a result. I haven�t spoken in a while. Maybe my voice will be hoarse and when I go to clear it a giant ball of phlegm will fly out. Then my visions became more realistic as I envisioned myself stumbling over words. �For those of you who don�t know my name is McDud. I mean Mcdude! I am McDude.� But it would be to late. I would be harassed for years. People will pass me in the hall shouting, �Hey McDud how is it going.� I glimpse the clock only 30 minutes into the meeting. I begin chugging the rest of my water. Then the feeling of a bladder that is ready for urination comes into my mind. I halt my drinking immediately. Why was I chosen to speak on my subject? Why couldn�t they have given me a subject that I knew something about? Or better yet not subject at all. I thought of the old tip of picturing the group of people naked that I am about to speak to. Why would that be good advice?? At least I would have a podium to prevent any possible erections from being seen. But I can�t possibly imagine how it could help. It is always a joke on a sit-com about this subject. I wouldn�t be surprised if a writer for the Leave It To Beaver show invented it. Then because of that episodes popularity it became a staple of the sit-com industry. Okay I�ll do it. I�ll picture my captive audience naked. Okay its about time. �Okay next McDude will tell us about his piece of the system.� �Picture them naked, Picture them naked, Picture them naked, Picture them naked.� Ran through my mind as I walked up to the podium. Then my mind noticed the need to pass gas and the need to pee. I turned and faced the audience. �Don�t say McDud,� I thought. In that split second my eyes panned the room. The entity of the group was intimidating. It had power. A mob opinion would be formed based on my first impression. This opinion could not be overcome. I remembered to picture them naked. I found a fairly attractive female and pictured her naked. Suddenly it wasn�t a mob of people but a bunch of individuals, each one forming his or her opinion. My speech went off without a hitch. Maybe their is something to the picture them naked trick. Like this entry? Vote for me here!
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