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McDude's Kind of CoolGopher Race |
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� 2005-02-24 - 7:39 a.m. I ventured out of my cube today to find a worthy toilet to take a dump. I take a dump at work almost every day, mostly because I have nothing better to do. But today was different I really had a gopher queued up and ready to go. It was right after lunch and I was hoping the toilets near my cube were open because we have several after lunch squatters on the floor that hog the stall until at least 1:30. I walked in and saw the door was open and whispered, �Thank God�, to myself. However, upon further inspection the floor around the toilets were covered in a chunky liquid and there was an odor of vomit. I defaulted to plan B and ventured to the underused toilets in the basement. The gopher was still in the hole and not quite popping its head out yet. I ran down 2 flights of stairs and popped in to see one toilet taken and the other one was clogged like the lone toilet at a busy bar. I then noticed the gopher was getting restless. I quickly walked to the other side of the basement to the locker room toilets. Both taken! I tooted as I turned to leave the locker room. I walked to the nearest stairwell to head up to the first floor. The gopher was definitely poking its head out now. As I climbed the stairs I saw a cute girl coming down. Of course I tried to look as cool as possible until she passed. I thought, �Don�t fart, don�t rush, don�t fart,� until she was out of sight. I sprinted up the last couple steps and out into the hall. Two people were standing in the hall talking business and shot me the �What the f***� glance. I hurried by them and rounded the corner to the nearest restroom. As I opened the door to enter someone was trying to exit. We both stepped right, then left, then right, however comical this normally would be my gopher was heading to freedom, finally my dancing partner must have felt my urgency and let me pass. I found a toilet worthy of a good squat and sent my gopher to freedom. Normally this would be a great relief, however the auto toilet flushed during the best part and I had to hover for moment to avoid the toilet water splash from the powerful flushing mechanism. They need to update the auto flush technology. Maybe add a weight mechanism to the seat or something. You can�t have the toilet flushing mid flush? Its like getting head and having the girl stop in the middle of the orgasm. My building has a handicap button for virtually every door. For some reason it lurks me that perfectly capable people will hit that button to open the door. Like this entry? Vote for me here!
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