McDude's Kind of Cool

Excuses Aren't Like Bungholes

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2004-07-25 - 1:20 p.m.

I haven�t written in a while. Mostly because I don�t know how to approach the events that took place last Saturday. So I�ll write about this weekend first. Then write about last weekend last. Good Job.

So Friday night Talkshow and I decided to �take it easy� and see the Webb Brothers. This is one of my new favorite bands. They are a local band from Chicago and supposedly they are all brothers. We arrive at the bar and as soon as we walk in we�re greeted by a girl promoting Jamieson Whiskey. She gives us each a token to get any Jamieson Whiskey beverage for free. We took the tokens and saved them and bought beers instead. Then as she was working the room she dropped the tokens all over the floor so Talkshow and I helped her pick them up. She gave us about 8 tokens for the help. All of the sudden with 5 free whiskey beverages apiece the night ceased to be one of the �take it easy� variety. We drank our free drinks and chatted. The Webb Brothers finally took the stage and only played about 9 songs. At least they played �The Liars Club�. Here is McDude�s obligatory lyric.

After the show we were lit up so we took a cab to meet his friend Alice? I think she suffers from low grade Trixie disease as we always find her at the Apartment surrounded by Chad�s. We arrived at the dance club 5 minutes before last call, so we got a beer and then Talkshow took off to find Alice. I stood there drunk, staring at cleavage as girls walked by. Eye magnets as I like to call them now. I can�t help it, especially when I�m drunk. There was one girl next to me who was very drunk and being sandwiched between two guys. They were obviously at the Club for one reason, and luckily for them they found it. Talkshow finally found Alice and a posse of 5 guys drooling over her. Her and her friend seemed relieved that we were there to protect them from the group of sex mongers. When we left they got in cab and we were stuck walking. Lucky for me I got to sleep in G-Moneys bed when we finally made it home. I had to get up early to score some Bears Tickets. I wasn�t able to get tickets to the game I wanted, but was able to get some tickets to the Vikings game.

Last Saturday I went with BB, G-Money and Bear Buddy and some others to the Worlds largest block party. It was a good time. Beers were cheap and as usual I had my share. While we were there BB asked, �McDude, how could you say you loved your ex-girlfriend when you were sleeping with me?� The fact that I cheated causes me to feel ashamed and embarrassed. How can I explain this? Has anyone ever successfully explained their infidelity? Bill Clinton tried and the media said it was a good answer. I�m sorry Mr. Ex-President, �Because I could� is bullshit. Why don�t you smoke crack? Why don�t you jump off the Grand Canyon? Why don�t you buy a gun and shoot someone? You could do all of those things yet choose not to. Why did I cheat? I have many excuses. The main excuse is that I was in a long distance relationship. Plus I had just moved to Chicago and hardly new anyone. But that still doesn�t answer why. The ex never found out that I cheated. I also believe she left me for her current boyfriend which means she probably cheated on me. I loved the ex. I�m positive the ex loved me. Why did we cheat on each other? According to Bill Clinton it�s because we could. Are we both bad people? I refuse to believe that. Lots of people have cheated. Most don�t go into it intending to break people�s hearts. They just enjoy the company and attention. It feels good to be funny and interesting again. It feels good to be wanted. Through the distance and the complacency of our relationship we grew a huge appetite for the things young lovers yearn for. We caved when we were presented with the opportunity to satisfy our hunger. We were weak. Weak is still an excuse. Why do we do anything? The reason is not because we can? All we can offer are excuses, I was hungry, I was thirsty, he would have shot me first, I needed to pay my mortgage, or I needed a fix. I guess some excuses are better than others.

I was drunk and BB was ready to go so we left the festival early and came back to my place. When we arrive she started drinking, hypnotic with coconut rum. She was soon drunk. We were watching porn and fooling around. We started having sex. She got on top of me and we were really going at it when all of the sudden she stops moving and asks, �Why won�t you be my boyfriend?� �I want you to be my boyfriend.� She started crying. I felt attacked. Whenever I am emotionally attacked like this I always get defensive and clam up. �I�ve told you why!� My main issue is the fact that she wouldn�t trust me. I cheated on my ex with her. Which isn�t a good way to start things off? She really gave it to me. I deserved all of it to. All the while my penis was still in her. There was nothing I could say. She soon climbed off of me and passed out almost immediately. I got up took off the condom got dressed and passed out as well. When we awoke the next morning she apologized as did I. We tried to pretend like nothing happened and even fooled around. We then went out to lunch but something was wrong. The fun was missing. We always have fun. Making light conversation and joking around. But it just wasn�t right. She emailed me Tuesday and said we needed a break. I agreed.

BB is going to the Dr. this week about her mood swings lately. I feel guilty because of my contributions to her mental state. I�m glad she�s going for help. I do care for her. I�ve worried a lot about her this week. I hope we can mend things and continue a relationship. She�s a fun girl. She�s my Elaine Bennes.

On Monday the ex emailed me. She finally told me about her live-in boyfriend. I�ve known about this since she moved into her new place nearly a year ago. However we�ve spoken on the phone several times and even emailed several times without her mentioning it. I decided to wait for her to bring it up. She finally did and now I feel okay with it. She didn�t mention much about her boyfriend. When I replied and asked several questions about their relationship, however she has yet to write me back with the answers. I guess she�s afraid of her excuses.

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