McDude's Kind of Cool

Relationship Resume

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2004-10-12 - 10:01 p.m.

I attended a bachelor party Saturday night. It was your typical affair, beer, pot, women, poker. The party was for niner an old college buddy. He lived with g-money for 3 years and with the ex for 1. I also lived with the guy for a summer.

Half of the guys there didn�t even know the bachelor. As soon as the strippers arrived they approached the bouncer. �Hey buddy, how much for a blow job�..?� Granted there isn�t much of a difference between certain kinds of lap dances and a blow job. But half the fun of actually getting a blow job is the fact that the girl is doing it because she likes you. Not for money, or their pimp, or a fancy necklace. They are putting their mouth around your hairy, dirty, smelly penis because they like you. They want to turn you on, or turn themselves on, or impress you with their felatio skills. Knowing that is better than any blow job I could pay for. I�d rather jerk off.
At the party I asked niner if he was inviting the ex (read Talkshow the Baptist for more info). He didn�t get around to it. Then he said, �I�m not going to let her boyfriend invite himself.�
�Why not, he�ll be careful what he wishes for next time.�
�McDude,� g-money says, �You don�t need to see her!�
I suppose it is for the best. I probably would have drank to much and been obnoxious. This way I can go and enjoy the wedding, instead of thinking that I would probably never see the ex after that night.

I went out with the Republican on Sunday afternoon. We went to Giordano�s for some cheese pizza. She can�t eat red meat. I owed her dinner because we bet on the Bears, Vikings game. This girl talks a lot. Plus she talks a lot about herself. �I used to tour with a professional ballerina troop, we were doing swan�..then to cap it off�.final enchore�.out of Kleenex�.then I had to quit because I weighed more than 96 pounds,� she stopped to take a sip of her diet coke. Now is my chance to say something witty, but what was she talking about??? I got it, �So that�s why you want to get into entertainment law?� �Right, copyright also applies to ballerina piece�s. Toe, step..� Man I want to talk about myself. Then she continued to tell me about how she has perfect pitch and is an expert violin player, plus she played the flute also. Then she became a flyer for the cheerleading squad and learned CPR and saved about 14 people�s lives. She talked about her 2:30 AM dodgeball game, her alcoholic friends, being in law school. I soon realized that every aspect of this girl�s life would look better on a resume. What do I have on her???? I can pee standing up.

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