McDude's Kind of Cool

Another 12 steps

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2001-07-16 - 9:54 p.m.

Hey, Jack isn�t it pretty to think so.

I wonder what drives my procrastination? I need to start some sort of 12-step program to get myself to quit procrastinating.

Step 1 Get rid of all distractions. (If you are putting off dieting) Stop buying bad food for your house.

Step 2 Have your cable TV disconnected.

Step 3 Use a daily planner

Step 4 Stop being lazy and just fucking do it.

I guess you do those 4 steps 3 times and you�ll be cured.

That is some line of bullshit I could make into an infomercial. I could be an anti-procrastination expert. All the while I could charge three installments of 65.95 for my 3 tape set and daily planner.

And if you play the tapes in reverse they will say, �Stop being lazy and just fucking do it,� over and over again.

Whenever I have something to do that I don�t find titillating I have a list of things I�ll do before proceeding with the chore. First I�ll briskly flip though all the TV channels 3 to 4 times. Then I will pace around my apartment plotting the execution of the task. I will check out the fridge and find a good munchy. Then pacing again. I�ll wonder in the bathroom and take a dump. If it is a horrible task I might lie down and rub one out first. Then pace some more. I start a task like I start an old lawn mower. It takes 4 or 5 pulls.

With this routine it is a miracle laundry is done once a month. I am lucky to go grocery shopping, or change my oil. I do the same thing before I pay my bills. I need to cut my Pacing activities in half. Maybe I would get twice the tasks done. Or maybe I wouldn�t who knows.

Fuck it Dude, lets go bowling. � The Big Lebowski.

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