|
|
McDude's Kind of CoolSpit |
|
|
2004-06-08 - 10:49 p.m. I made it to the dentist today. He is a big burly Russian dude. Why is it that most well off Russian dudes look like 70s porn stars. He’s slightly overweight but just tall enough to spread it around. Plus he wore a gold chain around his neck and had chest hair popping out. The elevator music added to this look. When he asked, I told him it had been 13 years since my last cleaning. So he looked in my mouth and said, “I can see by looking at your gums that you have Gingivitis. We’ll need to take X-Rays and go from there.” Then I became a guinea pig for Ms. Dental School. The porno dentist tried to instruct some woman how to take my X-Rays. She shoved this plastic thing in my mouth without telling me what it was for. She kept saying, “Wider…. WIDer…..WIDER” Finally the Porn dentist stepped in and explained to me what was happening. It went much smoother after that. I heard them having a heated discussion in Russian in the hallway. Either they were about to fornicate or she was learning a valuable lesson. While waiting for the X-Rays I had two completely opposite scenarios in my head about what was going to happen. The first the dentist comes back and everyone is staring at the X-Rays in amazement. As I peak over I see a little Gingivitis colony in my mouth, they have a couple of houses and a schoolyard with a little swing set on my wisdom tooth. The dentist will say, “This is no good we’ll have to pull all your teeth.” Then they’ll knock me out and I’ll awake during some dentist porno film titled “Spit” without my teeth. The second was that the X-rays would come back fine, the dentist would tell me to buy a bottle of Listerine and return in a couple of weeks. This scenario nearly happened, except he gave me a prescription for Tetracycline. Don’t they make birth control pills out of Tetracycline? I’ll gain weight and lose my sex drive in the next two weeks. I’ll receive the super duper deep clean on the left side of my mouth when I return. Which means I’ll need another appointment for the other half of my mouth, then probably a 4th appointment for whatever else might be wrong in there. At least I won’t need dentures. Like this entry? Vote for me here!
|
